Author: autismlighterside

I am a person who loves to learn, no matter what. The more I learn, the better I feel.

I love when learning is carefree and something that I don’t need to think about. I love learning from different people as I feel that we can always learn from each other even if our life circumstances are vastly different.

This week I have had the opportunity to learn from some pretty cool kids. These were kids with all different abilities and backgrounds. I love seeing how excited kids get and how each one of them is creative in their own special way. Our church hosted a day camp due to some of the school strikes in our area and I had the privilege of helping out.

I love watching kids and seeing how their mind words and why they do or don’t do certain things. I love seeing what makes them smile and also what makes them sad. It’s like a little mirror into their world. Each world is different and unique no matter who you are and the challenges that you face. I realize that our worlds constantly overlap every day. Although like me, you may be dealing with more “autism” things or you may be dealing with other issues altogether.

I always learn from adults as well. Some are close friends and others just casual acquaintances, but everyone has a different life story and there is always something to learn from interacting with another person.

Sometimes my life is so one-sided, so immersed in “our stuff” and I guess that’s how it is for most people.

If your life is similar to mine because you deal with “autism” things on a daily basis, try to see what is new with your child today. Take a few minutes, be in the moment and just watch and listen.

If your life circumstances are different, try to pay attention to the people you talk to today, listen, ask questions and discover something new.

I feel like that when we do this, we will not only grow as people but we also grow closer to people and feel more connected and appreciated in this world.

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Normally I try to be really positive but sometimes I think you need to just tell it as it is and talk about something that I deal with on a daily basis. It’s frustration!

Honestly, I get frustrated at some of the things that us autism parents have to go through.

Our life is already complex and sometimes other people (perhaps without meaning to) make it even more difficult and make us question every single decision that we make.

In my ideal “dream world” I wouldn’t have to do some of the things that I do. I wouldn’t have to make sure that breakfast is at the right time so that it will get eaten prior to going to school. I wouldn’t have to make sure that everything was in the right spot and together in the morning so that my child would get off to a good start and not have to deal with anything “extra” before his day begins.

I would be able to drop my kid off at school without waiting and looking to make sure that he got in the door.

I wouldn’t have to explain the same thing to people for what feels like the hundreth time. I mean do they listen?

I wouldn’t have to compose separate emails to all four of my son’s teachers why my son couldn’t complete his homework last night because he was on sensory overload.

I wouldn’t have to ensure someone in public giving me a glare because of something my child was doing or saying that perhaps was socially inappropriate.

I wouldn’t have to spend what little time my husband and I have together talking about another “autism” thing instead of being together doing something fun.

I would be able to actually do something fun outside of the house without worrying what may be going on at home.

All autism parents have all of the usual things x 1000. Things that are so simple and not given a second thought like just getting ready in the morning takes sometimes careful planning.

We can’t normally just “drop off” our kids at an activity without having a plan for them and communicating their mood and what could set them off that day. Sometimes our kids are not even allowed to enroll in certain community activities. We can’t or we don’t always feel safe leaving them alone while we run to the store to pick up something quickly even if they are of age for us to be able to do this.

Sometimes I get frustrated when I hear other parents complaining about things like their kid didn’t get the mark they expected or score that goal in the game. Hey, I am glad if my kid actually goes to class and listens for a portion of it. I am happy if my child is even allowed to participate or engage in some of the team activities. Don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming these parents at all. This is their life and these are the issues that are important to them. I hold no grudges or ill feelings towards anyone like this, but for me personally, I feel frustrated with all the extra things I have to do at times just so my child can be included or things that need to be done so that my child can get through the day.

Today, my son woke up and said he was sick. He usually doesn’t try to get out of school because he really likes school but he said his throat was hurting. I had a massage booked for the morning which I so desperately needed because my neck had been bothering me for two weeks. I got up, made his lunch, got his medication ready, prepared his breakfast and then I realized that he wasn’t going to go.  I also had a lunch booked with a friend who I had been trying to see for a month and I had been looking forward to it for a week. Now I had to cancel.

I thought about actually making my son go to school so that I could do these things. I was trying to make it happen, but then I looked at him and realized that his day would just end up being a disaster. I was thinking selfishly…so I reclutently made a few adjustments to my day, but I was not happy. I was frustrated!!! So frustrated that I just wanted to scream!

Possibly, another child may have been able to push through their day to at least get the work at school and maybe come home early, but we my son is sick or a bit under the weather, it can actually make him very distressed at school and unable to concentrate and could cause some sort of meltdown. It was best for all of us if he stayed home and just tried to feel better.

Autism parents are kind, patient, flexible, humble and have huge hearts – all of them that I have ever met. We have to make ways where there is no way. We adjust our schedules constantly sometimes moment by moment. Fun, well that doesn’t happen a lot. Our lives look different and you know what, that’s okay. We love our kids and we want them to be happy and successful just like everyone else.

I’m okay and very happy with my life, but I do get FRUSTRATED! I am human too and sometimes just expressing this out loud is good therapy!

So as much as I want to write something uplifting today, this is not going to happen and I think we need to be allowed to express our feelings – all of us, no matter what they are and no matter what our circumstances.

Being real is really living and I want to be as real as I can all of the time whether it’s good or bad.

 

 

It was recently “Family Day” in Canada and it’s kind of nice to have a day in which we can celebrate and be together as families.

What does that look like for you?

How did you celebrate?

Did you do a special activity?

Every year before this day comes, I think about ways in which all of us can do something to mark the day and make it special. I often wonder why it is sometimes so difficult, but then I remember that we live with autism. Nothing is ever simple and can ever go without careful planning for all members of our family.

Most of the time I don’t think of our family as unique but sometimes on days like this, it comes to the forefront of my mind.

For our family, it would be nice to participate in the “free community activities” but most of the time it is not something that we do. It’s not because we don’t want to but because it’s often overwhelming with stimulation, crowds and way too much noise for our particular family.

So the other day as I glanced at activities that were in our community that came to my in box, I concluded that no matter how hard I tried to spin it, these were not going to work for us.

So what could we do?

My husband and I came up with a couple of ideas so that we could try to integrate both of our children into something we could all do together. We did look at some of the community activities and try to see if we could possibly do something that would be successful and fun for all of this. We concluded that this was not possible.

So in the end, we decided to go for a walk down by the lake. It was a sunny cold winter day perfect weather for a walk. We then decided we would watch a movie together in the comfort of our home. As long as we were all together this was all that really mattered.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it really doesn’t matter what you do to spend time together. It doesn’t matter where you go or don’t go. It’s all about doing what’s right and special for your particular family whatever that may be.

It’s nice to have a day set aside for family time! It’s a good reminder for all of us that family is important and we should celebrate all the time not just on one particular day.

Hope your day was special!

 

 

Inclusion is very important in the community that you live. No matter what your circumstances – whether your child is typical, has autism, has a physical challenge, whatever the situation may be.

Is this easy to find?

Well, from my experience, I would have to answer “no” to this question.

Is it possible? Yes. Can it be challenging? Absolutely!

You see, I always wondered why before I entered the world of autism. Why didn’t people know what to do? Why did people look at my child strangely? Why, why, why?

I didn’t have any answers, only questions as to why it was so difficult.

This was very clear to me when our son was younger. You see we wanted to put him in gymnastics, soccer, basketball, swimming, scouts to see what he liked, but how did we do this?

Well, we were fortunate enough to have someone working with our family at this time, so we decided to enroll him in some activities and then have a support person go with him to help guide him and keep him on track, assisting him socially but also him being able to have fun with other children his age.

This was not easy. We had to usually talk to whoever was running the program. For example, at scouts, we asked if we could go see what a typical night looked like to see if it would be a good fit for him. Once we found a unit, we had a support person go with him to the meetings and the outings. At the beginning of the session, my husband would talk to the group, tell them about our son’s autism and a few things that would help him be successful. The kids were always amazing!

Isn’t that just the way it goes? Kids are very accepting of differences, in fact, they don’t even think about it most of the time.

Although our son was not able to participate fully in all of the activities (camps were tough because of nightly rituals and medication needs) he was still able to do most things and have a blast doing it! It’s not about what they can’t do, but about what they can do.

The picture above is our son at the bottom of the hill where his scout troop went tubing last week. He had a blast! He went up the tow rope and down the hill with no issues at all. He absolutely loves scouts and he loves the snow!

We are grateful to kind, caring people who, even if they don’t understand, will make every effort to ensure that he is included. Even the people at the ski resort were fantastic!

I think it’s all about educating people, trusting that people really do want to help and putting yourself out there and your child, even if activities have to be modified for them to enjoy. Having realistic expectations and trying new experiences is, in my opinion, the name of the game. Don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone. Don’t be afraid to enroll in things or let your child enjoy experiences that other children do. Make your child part of their community. It’s up to us parents to set the tone!

And if one thing doesn’t work out, don’t sweat it as there are many, many sports and activities that every child can be a part of.

Let me challenge you today to step out of that cushy comfort zone of your home and try one new thing this season! Let me assure you that you will not regret it!

 

 

 

When autism is part of your life, you usually have lots going on. There are medical concerns, different therapies, school-related activities, community activities…the list goes on and on.

Some days you may sit back and wonder what is actually helping your child and what is not. I think all parents want to see their child learning new things, developing knowledge, moving forward, having good behaviours, rather than bad ones, socializing, more conversation – sometimes it feels like its all clumped together.

There are days for me personally when I want things to happen quicker than they do or I want to stop something because I haven’t seen immediate results. Let’s face it, we are all inpatient aren’t we?

I was having a conversation with another parent of a child on the spectrum the other day. Her child is much younger than my son, but nevertheless, autism has brought us together. We were laughing about some of the things that our respective kids have done in the past and just talking about things in general. I realized after our conversation how many gains our son had actually made.

I remember when he was younger and he used to run and climb on absolutely everything in sight. I was in such great physical shape because I had to always keep up with him. Now, I could actually sit down while he does his homework and I can’t believe at how calm and focused he is compared to his younger years.

I must admit that I don’t always recognize the absolute huge “gains” he has made until I actually think about it.

Some of the personal gains he has made is him being responsible for getting ready in the morning or when we go out somewhere. He knows where everything is and he can do all of the tasks and get all of the things that he needs for the day. It wasn’t always like this. We used to have to tell him what to do, we had pictures of what he needed to bring and wear in the morning. In this area, we have come such a long way.

Waiting was such an issue in the past. He had trouble waiting even for short periods of time. Everything had to be instant and he would get very upset if it wasn’t.  Today, this is an entirely different story.

Our son used to get really anxious and upset when things in his day changed with or without notice. If something came up in our house and we couldn’t do something or if something was different, he wouldn’t always want to co-operate.

If things at school changed in his day, he wasn’t always able to handle these changes and sometimes negative behaviours would occur. Now he is very adjustable and he listens to reason and is able to cope amazingly.

Up until about three years ago, our son did not like it if I wasn’t around during his “home time.” He was very attached to me and didn’t like me going anywhere without him. He didn’t care if his Dad was home, he just always wanted me to be around. Today, he’s fine with me not being there. He has grown so much in this area. If I am going to be late, I can call or text and let him know that I am on my way. He may not like it, but he’s okay with it.

These as well as many more significant gains have made our family home life so much more manageable and peaceful.

I think it’s always important to look at the gains of our children, whatever they may be. They are different for each individual and it may not always be learning something new, it may just be not doing something disruptive.

If it is a small gain, or a huge gain, make sure you can recognize the gains that have been made with your child. This will keep you grounded and give you the strength to keep going on and pushing for more. Also, be sure to tell your child how great they are doing!

One day, I know we will get to the top of the staircase!