Author: autismlighterside

I’ve been thinking over the last few weeks how our brains work. In particular, how my brain works. Honestly, I never gave it much thought before. In the last few months; however, through my personal experience, I have had some challenges that have made me more aware of things and have changed my perspective on how I view my son.

I have experienced some trauma and this has altered the course of my thinking.

What I became aware of was not being able to “think” at all. I was not able to think clearly and I had a huge sense of brain fog.

I couldn’t remember anything – where I kept things, what I said to people, what pills I had taken or not taken, what I ate, none of it. I was totally lost.

I say these things so that I can relate them back to my son. I wonder if he has these feelings? I wonder if sometimes he can’t remember or sometimes things are simply just too much for his brain to handle?

Do his actions reflect what is going on in his head?

I know he gets overwhelmed at times. But what else happens? His brain is definitely wired differently and it makes me wonder what is really going on. This has brought on my curiosity and desire to look deeper.

So I’ve been watching and thinking. As my fogginess has slowly subsided what can my body do now? For me, it’s been a slow climb back to movement. When I look at my son and knowing that his body has healed in certain ways, how does that change the way he feels? His actions? His movements?

I don’t have all the answers, I just have some simple observations.

With more space freed up in his brain, he is now able to focus on other things. Now, when he is open, he is really open to engagement in different activities and playing and just doing more. For me, this is amazing to watch!

But I also see when things are not going well. When he has a headache or something difficult has happened, how does he react?

At these times, I see withdrawal, protection of his “me space.” The need to be alone and just ‘be’. These are some of the observations that I have made.

This is why I love my son’s NeuroMovement lessons. When he has his lessons, I feel he is better able to make the connections from his brain to his body and to be able to achieve more awareness of his movements and relate this information to how he feels and the way his body needs to move when he has certain feelings.

It balances the brain and body together so that they are working as a whole instead of two separate entities.

I think we all face challenges when our brain doesn’t feel good and each person does things in those moments that make sense for them. There is no right or wrong.

I find this fascinating to think about and I look forward to discovering more about this as time goes on.

This summer I decided to do something completely different. I decided to ditch the “school-related” projects in exchange for more hands-on projects in a hope of finding a different way of connecting with my son.

It is a big “change” year for us as he will be entering high school soon and I wanted to try to get him involved in thinking about things that he could possibly see himself doing in the future while trying to build on our relationship. I also wanted him to learn some practical skills so even if he didn’t totally enjoy what we were doing, at some point in his life, I know the skills would become useful.

Since I totally loved refinishing and painting furniture, prior to my days when I had children or was even married for that matter, I decided to take one of my passions and see where it would lead us. I am very apprehensive about chemicals and things like that so I needed to be careful about the projects that we did.

We decided to take on some painting projects. At first, I really didn’t know exactly what we were going to do. Since we spend a good chunk of time at our cottage, I thought we could go to some flea markets, see what we saw that wasn’t too much money and then decide from there what we would do with the items that we purchased.

We also had a few things around our cottage that I had been wanting to get to for awhile that I know we could make some beautiful art with. I have always had a very good eye at seeing what something could become with some imagination. My son and I also love watching HGTV and we get various ideas from these kinds of shows as well.

We ended up with quite a few projects.

Our first project was to refinish and paint some old paddles that were of no use in boats anymore but with some effort could become beautiful pieces of art.

We decided to use an electric hand sander and sand these paddles down. This process was trial and error for me. Because sometimes loud noises bother our son, this was a bit challenging because the hand sander is extremely loud. As I watched him sand I could see that the noise was bothering him. He enjoyed the process but not the noise. So I decided to get him to put on his noise-canceling headphones and this worked like a charm. He got to sand but the noise no longer was an issue. Voila!

Once these paddles were sanded we each decided what we wanted to paint on our paddle. We then sat on our dock and painted. It was truly glorious as we looked out onto the lake. After the paddles were dry, we then put a clear coat of protection over them. They looked amazing!

We did many other furniture projects and all of them were different. The thing that I enjoyed was watching my son learn new skills and building the bond of our relationship in the process. It was fun not being on a schedule and being able to learn new things together. I saw a side of him that I him that made me realize just how much he is capable of if I only give him the chance.

This experience was truly eye-opening, fun and I really enjoyed it. The more freedom I give my son, the more he proves to me the talents that are within him.

I look forward to many more new experiences!

This summer I’m trying something different – lots of rest! Normally when I plan our summer I try to think of all the cool activities we can do together and I make a schedule of when to do this and make the necessary arrangements to make this happen.

Because this year has been a tough one for our family, I decided to plan nothing. I mean nothing. I also decided to do as little as possible and just focus on resting our minds and our bodies.

This is not to say that we are just laying in bed, watching TV and not going anywhere, let me make that clear.

But we are truly focused on quiet time, low key activities and not planning anything, except for out of necessity. This is very freeing and liberating and a complete change for the way we normally live our lives.

My son and I are spending a good portion of our time at our cottage this summer by ourselves. Usually our daughter is here as well, but she has a part-time job this year so it’s changed our dynamic quite a bit. At first, I thought it would be difficult not having her at the cottage so much, but now I realized that it’s been a good experience for all of us. She gets to be more independent at home, learning to handle things she normally doesn’t take responsibility for and she gets time alone with her Dad.

For my son and me, it’s been different, especially how our day looks and what activities we decide to do. He gets my full attention.

Sometimes change can be beneficial for everyone.

I find just being able to enjoy nature and quiet reflection is very soothing and soul building. Our son has had a very busy year with lots of changes so I wanted him to do as little as possible so that his brain could get the rest that it needs. There is always so much going on in our brains all the time and just being able to let go of it all has made a huge difference in how we feel.

This has been extremely refreshing! For us, we just enjoy hanging out. Somethings we do our own thing and sometimes we do stuff together. But there are no “plans.” It is spontaneous in the moment with no expectations. Have you ever tried this?

We both desperately needed this time.

One of our favorite things to do together is to go swimming and then lay on the dock side-by-side while we let the sun dry us off. It is quiet, relaxing, restful and peaceful. When you are laying there, you can hear the waves of the lake, the birds, sometimes the odd boat going by.

By closing your eyes and listening to the sounds around you can replenish your mind.

I have found with resting, we are able to have more fun than ever. We are connected with each other and with nature and we don’t have to worry about where we need to be. Doing things at a slower pace or not at all can be so wonderful.

Resting is not just good, it is needed! Why don’t you try it sometime?

We all go through different cycles in our life. Some are really great and some are not. Some make us happy and some make us sad. Some promote growth in us and some leave us totally stagnant.

Our son has gone through a ton of different cycles in his life. Right now he is a teenager and he experiences all of the things that teenagers have to deal with and then some.

Recently there have been some truly pleasant cycles that we have seen with him.

Our son recently helped out at a camp. Although some of the things he did may not have been the same as other volunteers, nevertheless he was doing things that even a couple of years ago I thought he would never do. I have learned (at times the hard way) not to compare him or have the same expectations for him as others. This allows me to be happier and freer and to really relish in his personal accomplishments.

Sometimes our son communicates quite a lot and sometimes he is very quiet. I have discovered that even in the quiet moments things are accomplished.

I really saw his maturity at camp when he followed instructions and helped out younger kids. I also noticed that he was very calm and paying close attention to what was going on around him despite the chaos and the amount of people and transitions that were constantly happening.

Another thing that has changed for him is on the medical side. When he started biomedical 2 years ago we always took him downtown to Sick Kids Hospital to get his blood work done. We felt this was the right thing to do since they specialize in children and because this was a new experience for him we didn’t want it to be traumatic because we knew we would have to repeat this process many times.

Even though we had to make our way through lots of traffic, pay a ridiculous amount for parking and sometimes wait in line for a bit, we felt it was worth it for him to be successful. Before he started doing blood work, I created my own social story (from different resources) and I also found a very “tame” YouTube video showing what he could expect from the experience. By doing this, it took out the guesswork for him and made him feel more comfortable.

Since he has been progressing so well the last few months, we decided to take him to a local lab last week as we needed to do more blood work. We first called and asked if they could have two people available (better one too many than not enough) and we also asked if they could use a smaller needle. We went at a less busy time and we were able to make an appointment so that we wouldn’t have to wait. We didn’t know how it was going to go, but he was a real champ! No issues at all.

This is yet another cycle in his growth and development.

Sometimes its hard to know when to try something different. I think this varies from person to person but for us we have tried to watch and listen to our son’s needs and make decisions that make sense for him. We don’t compare what he can do with what someone else can do because we are all different.

I can’t wait to see the next thing we will “cycle” ahead with!

I want to talk a little about the ABM (Anat Baniel Method) and how I have recently noticed changes in our son.

I was recently listening to a podcast from Anat Baniel (the creator of the Anat Baniel method) who has been working with special needs children and adults for over 30 years, my focus shifted to something that she said. She was talking about how “not to praise” our kids when they do something for the first time.

This caught my attention as this is totally against what I have done in the past and I think what most of us do when our child does something new. We are so used to clapping, using verbal phrases of praise and just showing genuine excitement when our child does something that is new.

The premise of her talk (and I am paraphrasing) that if our brain is to form new connections we must allow it to happen naturally. If a child gets our praise and enthusiasm the first time they do something, they may not be able to do it again on demand. She used the example that a child does not learn to sit by sitting. It takes many steps and things in the brain to organize in order for this action to occur.

When a child does something for the first time, we need to give them space to do it, be quiet and just carry on as though nothing ever happened. The child will then take this experience once this connection has been formed and be able to do it again and again. We must not interfere with this process.

I recently had the opportunity to put this to the test.

We were at our cottage, specifically on our dock. We have a large boat lift that has a big circular wheel to pull the boat into place. There was an old tea towel that had been used as a rag to clean out another boat and it had been draped over the circular wheel of the boat lift to dry. Because it was windy, it had blown into the lake. My son had noticed it the day before and had commented on it.

The next day, he commented on it again as it had blown into the lake and was at the bottom of the lake which he could see. I told him he could go get it if he wanted to. It was in deeper water (not over his head). He had his bathing suit on and I could see that he was trying to figure out how he was going to get it. I stayed quiet and didn’t say anything. I just watched him.

He went up to the bunkie where we stored fishing stuff and he retrieved a fishing net. He then proceeded to get into the water, slowing moving toward the net but trying not to get his entire body wet in the process.  He looked at the bottom of the lake. He looked up a few times, but his goal was to get it out of the lake. I watched in fascination as he was problem-solving.

I didn’t say a word, I just watched. He got closer to the towel and then he used the net to grab the towel from the bottom of the lake. He got it out and hung it back to dry where it had previously been drying before it blew in. I wanted to say “great job, you figured out how to do this,” or “way to go.” But I said nothing. He seemed to feel good at what he had accomplished.

Later that day, I noticed it had blown into the lake again. We will see what happens next!

The same day, another thing happened. Up at the cottage, we have a canoe that we store, flipped over so that if it rains, the water won’t go into the boat. Our son sometimes likes to sit on top of it. This day he was laying on top of the canoe kind of hugging it. The bottom end of the canoe was close to the lake. I watched as his body was slowing sliding down the canoe. I knew he was either going to slide off into the lake or somehow at least get his feet wet or fall in. In the past, I would have called his name and told him to be careful. This time, I remained silent. I thought to myself that he has to figure out what to do.

I kept watching him and sure enough, he lost his balance and his feet ended up in the lake and his shorts got wet. In the past, I would have told him to go and change his clothes. This time, I just sat there, quiet. He complained, “oh no, I’m wet.” He took off his shoes and put them on the dock and ran up to the cottage.

I waited for a bit to see if he would change and come back down or what he would do. He didn’t come for awhile, so eventually I went up to see what he was doing. He had put his wet shorts into the hamper and ways just laying on the bed. I thought to myself that this was great problem solving! Even though he did not do what I expected him to do, that was okay because he figured out what he wanted to do and he did it. The same situation may not always call for the same response. There are many different options or ways of choosing to handle situations and we have to let our children explore and figure out what is best for them in that moment.

I realize that I don’t need to create situations for change, that they will just present themselves if I just pay attention and let them happen naturally. Sometimes life is so fast that we don’t slow down to take time for these moments which will create new connections in our brain.

Since I am now more aware of this, I will be paying more attention each day to see what I “cannot do” to help my child.