It’s a tough one for me. I want it, I need it. It’s hard for me to function without it. I’m not sure why but if I don’t have control over pretty much everything in my life, I’m lost.
I don’t know when it started or why it happens. I just know it does. For me, it’s not just one thing in particular. It’s pretty much everything.
I can only describe it as knowing what the end result is and having achieved it. Kind of like cleaning the house — you do it. You are in control and you have the result you want at the end – a nice clean house! Whether it’s a little clean or totally immaculate, it’s up to me.
In the autism world there’s no control and not everything makes sense. So no matter how much you want it, your never going to get it the way that you imagine.
I’ve been thinking lately not just about control and autism but just about the things that I like to control.
I like to control the house — the way people leave their rooms and their things and the way they perform tasks, like making their bed. The way they dress. The list goes on and on. But I’ve had to let go of tons of things. And its been exhilarating!
I try as much as I can to stand back and be present in the moment instead of trying to control the moment and I find myself much more satisfied with the result.
When I look at my son and the little quirks he has that may be associated with his autism, I try to understand him instead of trying to control him. When I look at my daughter I try to understand why she says or does things rather than judge her disapprovingly. I think this makes me a better parent.
Letting go of control in some ways can be freeing. So why not give it a try?