Author: autismlighterside

What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What makes you angry?

Can something that’s exciting also be terrifying? Yes!  Think of a roller coaster!

Our son started high school this year. One day recently I was sitting in the car waiting for him to come out and I saw a student in a wheelchair. He was waiting patiently as he did every day for his bus to come. He was with his educational assistant and she was talking to him. I’m not sure if he was talking as well because I was too far away, but you could tell from her mannerisms that she was very kind. She appeared to be treating him as she would her own child. This kind of brought tears to my eyes because you don’t always see this with people who have an exceptionality.

It actually made me feel proud to be part of such a caring community.

It was very clear that this student had a physical impairment because he was in a wheelchair. For a brief moment, I felt bad for him, but only for a moment because I could also see the “person” and he was very happy!

I wondered to myself if that was the way that others looked at me when they realized that my child has autism.

Are they scared of it? Do they naturally turn away because they don’t know what to do or say?

Do they feel empathy for me? Perhaps even sympathy? I really don’t know. I don’t spend too much time thinking about it because I don’t care.

Each moment that I am given with my son is a treasured gift and when we are not together, I count the moments when we will be again. That’s how connected we are to each other. It’s not like any other relationship I have in my life.

There is another student that comes out smiling every day. I know that he must have some challenges because he also comes out with an EA, but I never think about this when I see him. I look forward to seeing his smile as he gets on his bus. In fact, his smile is infectious! I want to smile every time I see him. He doesn’t even know that he makes my day a little bit brighter!

You see it’s all in the way you look at it, isn’t it?

We can feel bad or we can choose to feel good.

I am extremely grateful for people with “different” abilities. I choose to use the word ability because we all have abilities. Some are just different than others. We can all learn from each other. In fact, our son has taught me so many things and I am so grateful that I’ve experienced them even though sometimes there can be difficulty.

I also choose to never say that he “can’t” do something. Because the truth is that he can do anything he puts his mind to. Perhaps the approach he takes varies from others or that the amount of steps it takes for him to get there may be more or perhaps different from others. When he achieves what he sets out to do, it is an accomplishment. He is satisfied and happy. You see, it’s all in the way you look at it!

I encourage you to look at things through a different lens than you normally do. You never know how great it will make you feel!

It’s a new school year for everyone. For some, it may be there first time at school. For others, it may be there first time at a brand new school.

Whatever is the case for you, it’s a new year, a new beginning for children. There are many feelings experienced by children, any child, at the start of a new year. Some may be excited, others anxious, others sad and some may even have a combination of these feelings. It’s the same for parents as well, just in a different way.

For children on the autism spectrum, it can be more challenging. Children with autism need lots of preparation whenever they are starting a new activity like school or a new experience where they have never participated before.

We all want our children to settle in and start learning right away, but is that a realistic expectation? Let me share my experience with you.

This year is a big year for us as our son is transitioning to high school. Not only is it a new school, there are new kids (and twice as many!) as well as new teachers and a new environment to navigate.

We always do lots of preparation for any “new” things with our son, but this time we had to do a little bit extra. We were applying to a school outside of our area and we didn’t know if our son would get into this school. This was a much better “fit” for him and his needs, but we only found out late at the end of the last school year.

So what now? We had to figure out how to prepare him, of course.

First we talked about the school and where it was located and that he would be starting high school there in the Fall. Then we took him to the school and took some pictures of him inside and outside at key places so that he would be familiar with this when we talked about it in the summer.

I printed these pictures and made them into a little book so that he could visually see the school, and see himself in the photos so that he would remember where he was going. We also arranged a visit the week before school so that he could pick out his locker and see some of the rooms that he would be in.

Since he has some assistance at school, I was able to speak with them in the morning when I dropped him off as well as after school when I picked him up, just to give them some tips on our son and how to best support his learning.

I don’t know all of his teachers yet, but I sent all of them a very nice note with some samples of things that our son had completed in these areas so that they could get a sense of where he was at to be able to help him succeed.

That is kind of where we are right now. It’s a new start and for our son as well as me and we have to navigate a whole new circle of people with whom to communicate and share information with so that we can ensure the best possible school experience for our son.

I must admit that this is very challenging for me as I like to be on top of everything all the time and I have to find ways of communicating other than speaking to teachers or support staff directly at times.

For all children on the spectrum, education and people who are really committed to supporting and nurturing your child’s educational development is so important. I have had pretty good luck in the past with all of the teachers and other staff that I have dealt with and although we are in a different place, my hope is that I will be able to find those teachers who really “get” my son and are able to contribute to his success! When he comes home happy, that is a big win in my book because I know if he is happy, he will have learned something.

My wish is for all parents who have children on the spectrum to have a positive, happy start to the school year and beyond!

Sadness, yes it happens to me. It happens to all of us. I don’t talk about it too often because I try not to focus on it. Having a child with autism can trigger many emotions and one of them is sadness. It is real and it happens to all parents of children on the spectrum.

Sometimes, for me personally, I experience sadness when my son has challenges with a task that are so simple for a typical child. Sometimes I experience sadness in moments when he is frustrated and he cannot get the words out. Sometimes I experience sadness when I look at the world and realize that not everyone is kind and understanding and that he will experience hardships because of his autism. Sometimes I experience sadness when he’s excluded from things. Sometimes I experience sadness when I think about the dreams I had to let go of for him that I had when he was born.

I have shed many tears over all of these ‘sadnesses’ at some point or another in my life.

Autism can tug on your soul, it can drag you down to the deepest depths of the sea and the lowest valley that you don’t think you can ever climb out of. It comes with it’s unique set of rules and challenges and there is no rule book to follow. You have to make things up as you go along. It is real and it sometimes comes when you least expect it. There are times when I have looked in another parent’s eyes who face similar challenges and you know that they know what you are going through. You can sometimes see the sadness in their face for a moment.

I don’t think it’s an emotion we should be ashamed of or scared of at all. I think sadness is like any other emotion. If we never experienced sadness, we would never be able to understand what happy feels like. So to deny this emotion would not be healthy.

Lately, I have been choosing to re-frame the way that I think. I choose to acknowledge that sadness is there sometimes, but that all of the “happy” times with our son far supersede any sadness that has ever happened.

I will continue to acknowledge sadness, but I will not let it prevent me from enjoying all of the happiness that I experience each day with my son. Every time I see my son’s face, I am truly happy and I can’t stop smiling!

We always talk about nature in some respect. You hear comments all the time about how nice it is today or how people want summer to come or the rain to stop.

Living in Canada you can really appreciate nature throughout the different seasons and the changes that happen. We can see leaves change colour in the Fall and we can go tobogganing in the winter and enjoy a nice walk on a summer day.

This summer I really started to pay attention to how nature affected our son. He always enjoys being outside doing various activities, but I really noticed how ‘in tune’ with nature he appeared to be.

I observed a calmness, connections, happiness and peacefulness.

Even though we like to do activities that are noisy and busy, it was in those moments of slowness and quietness and I truly saw his connection to nature and his surroundings. I was in awe!

We both really enjoy going on swings and sometimes when we are swinging side-by-side and laughing about who is going higher, it’s the freedom we are experiencing and the joy of being able to be outside with the sun on our faces.

It seems the more time we spend in nature, the better the both of us feel.

Now that we are back into the busy season of school, I will miss those long days of being outside. But closing my eyes always helps me remember and smile.

Do you ever think about how noisy it is?

If you live in the city you simply cannot escape the noise, the hustle and bustle everywhere and the general vibe that you need to “get something done” now or that you are already ten steps behind.

We all know that this happens but I never really gave it too much thought until I was actually “outside all of the noise.”

When we are up at our cottage, it is very quiet in the morning. My first instinct is to get on my phone and see what’s going on in the “real world.” But lately, I’ve just sat still and listened and looked around at nature and it has made me appreciate the “stillness.”

I also notice many changes in my son when he switches environments. The cottage is a “fun” place, a “peaceful” place, “a place that is different,” “a place that is quiet” with no expectations and a place that renews his strength and sense of self.

Sometimes we do things together and sometimes we do things separately, but it is the lack of noise that makes it so special. There is not a lot of outside stimulation so it allows us time to just be either together or alone with our thoughts.

When you have nothing to do or nowhere to go is that a bad thing? In my opinion, no. I believe that it is a time that is needed to allow us to “slow down” and to “re-group.”

Without all of the other “stuff”, we can finally think about ourselves and we can do activities or “not” do activities. We can eat when we want and we have no schedule of when we need to sleep or arise.

I believe for us that having less noise allows us to have more growth and gives us a much needed break.

How often do you look at how big the trees are or how the clouds look in the sky? How often do you watch the waves roll in or stare at the sun? How often do you just sit and do nothing at all?

We are all so used to “multi-tasking” that we forget what it’s like when we don’t have to. The other day, I decided to put it to the test. My son and I were driving in the car and normally we like the music loud (at least I do!) and we sing along and dance. I know the thought of this may be horrific for you to imagine!

First I had the music on loud and I looked over at my son to see what his reaction was. He was just kind of sitting there looking out the window. Then I turned it down low and I looked over to see what he was doing. He was still looking out the window, but his body appeared to be more relaxed. Next I turned it off. I looked over at him and he was totally calm. We were driving on a county road which in itself was relaxing.

We were actually able to converse about things we noticed outside. It was peaceful and nice.

Removing noise is not always an option in our daily lives, especially if you live in the city. But next time you have a chance to be still and be quiet, give it a try. You may like the way it makes you feel!

Now if I could only get my daughter to take off her headphones when I am driving and talk to me!