Author: autismlighterside

Sometimes I have to force myself to slow down.  I have so much going on in my head that I just want to get it out as fast as possible, it seems.

I have to constantly remind myself not to always talk about “me.”  My autism issues or other issues that I deal with, need to be paused to really pay attention and listen to people and just be in the moment.

I think if we are all honest we realize that we can be selfish at times.  We want things to be about us.  We feel that our issues are the most important and that people should pay attention to us all the time.

Lately, I’ve taken a step back.  I realize that we all have things close to our heart.  Things that make us laugh.  Things that bring us to tears.  But we are all people.  We all deserve the very best.

I have become more aware especially if I am one-on-one with a friend.  I need to pay more attention to them and their lives.  I need to ask them questions perhaps offer advice, but mostly  just to listen and be a friend.

It is important to share connections with others.  Not to judge them.  Just to be with them and enjoy their company.

I have found that since I started doing this I am much happier.  Sometimes I hate talking about the same things over and over again that haven’t changed in my life.  It’s nice to listen to others for a change.

I am learning every day to slow down, be more connected with others and find my true happiness.

I hope you do the same.

When thinking and saying things there are words that no longer exist in my vocabulary.  These include “can’t,” “will never,” “limited” and “not able to” just to name a few.

My vocabulary has words like “can,” “will,” “is doing” and “will happen.”

I don’t believe that autism comes with its own set of limitations, only the limitations that we choose.  As I look into the world, I see this all the time and I think this limits parents when we should feel empowered.

Now I’m not trying to say that if your child is struggling academically that they will be able to become a surgeon.  And that is true for any child, not just those who have autism.  What I am saying is that they can be successful in life with the proper training and guidance and ability to find their passion.

Whenever there is a situation with our son that comes up maybe society is dictating or someone else is that he cannot participate or will never be able to.

I try to think outside the box . . . not can’t but “how do I find a way?”  How do I teach him?  How do I make a path through?  Even if some things take longer to teach.  This keeps me motivated and maybe perhaps in some ways wanting to “prove them wrong.”  And maybe I’m just stubborn (which is true) and I won’t give up.

But you see, I have a secret.  I know my son the best.  I know he can learn almost anything.  It’s just the approach taken may look different and it may take a lot more time.

Let me give you an example of when he learned to ride a bike.

When our son wanted to learn to ride a bike, we did not just give him the bike and a helmet and asked him to get on and start riding.  First we watched people riding bikes.  We talked about safety (the helmets) but back then, although he knew he had to put on a helmet to ride, he didn’t fully understand the safety aspect.

Next we had to break it down into small stages.

• sitting on the bike
• peddling
• stopping – at first this was done by putting his feet on the ground and then we taught him how to use the hand brakes.
• balancing
• looking both ways

All of these things were done slowly in small stages so that he could achieve success.  Since he is very motivated by YouTube, we showed him videos so he could visually see what was happening.  At first, he used training wheels like everyone else until he was comfortable enough to try without them.

My point is the process took longer, but by going slow, we were able to achieve success as we have done with many things.  Obviously as parents, we need to decide which activities are suitable for your child and what you want them to participate in.  But not only do I believe, I know our son can achieve success if given the chance.

Try not to let others limit your child.  Keep doors open.  Think about how your child learns and what you can do to help them be successful!

Most important – never give up!

I entered the world of autism when our son was 4.5 years old and have been there ever since.  Up until a couple of years ago I had no idea that people had made their kids better with medical treatment and I’ve read of many recoveries of kids.  In fact I hear about kids losing their diagnosis almost every day.   That’s not to say that for the one child who is recovered that there is not many more who will not recover.

What I have learned in the past year especially, that autism is not hopeless.  That your child does not need to remain where they are today.  They can get better and move forward.

I think this is a very powerful message for everyone out there. My goal is simple. Get my child feeling better.  In just over a year I have seen changes in my child.  Unlike some people that I hear about, they are not big “wow” moments.  They are small, subtle steady changes.   Unfortunately we don’t get to choose how many things happen and the way in which they happen to each child.  We have to do things sometimes blindly by trial and error and hope for the best.

What I have discovered that if something doesn’t work today that it doesn’t mean that it will never work.  It just may means that the child may not ready yet for that intervention.

I want to share some of the positive things that I have seen since I began my biomedical journey.  I hope this inspires hope to someone (even just one person) today perhaps when you thought there wasn’t any.

Our son is more adaptable in changes to his routine and things like electronics not working properly.  He used to get very upset when something didn’t work and he would sometimes have a meltdown, and even throw something.  Last night YouTube (his favorite) went down for about 10 minutes.  I didn’t know what was going on, so I was trying to problem solve.  I told him I was trying to fix it and he waited patiently.  I told him if I couldn’t get it right away we would go for a drive.  He just waited did something else and then it started to work.  A real change. Huge for us. Truly, in the last year.

Another thing we have noticed is that his attention span is longer and he is calmer and less fidgety.  He can focus on tasks for longer periods of time and when something doesn’t go right, he is able to wait or move onto something else without getting upset.  A huge gain!!!

One last thing I will share is his fine motor (his coloring) has improved 10 fold. In the last few months, he is taking his time with art, choosing colors, taking pride in his work and coloring in the lines!  For the first time in his life!

Some may look at him and not notice any of these changes because they are not big “WOW” moments, but for us the impact they have made is huge.

So my advice to everyone is to keep at it. And don’t look beside you to see what someone else has achieved.  Celebrate your own victory – whatever that is for you!

 

Never underestimate the role that your family (close and extended) play in your child’s life.  For me, I think I am way too judgemental at times.  I’m controlling and I think things a certain way that it sometimes makes me forget about the good things that my entire family does that are so amazing.

As we go about our day and have our own thoughts we don’t know what others think about our situation or their own.  I think sometimes I can be very selfish.  I think people should be aware and see me and my needs.  But is that realistic?  How can they know unless I communicate?  If something they does bothers me, how can they know if I don’t tell them?

It’s crazy for me to sit back and think that I’m the only one who faces challenges.  Everyone does in some way and do I really pay attention?  If I don’t then I sure need to start.

I had a conversation with my Mom recently.  I love my Mom more than anything.  I know I can count on her for just about anything.  But does she always understand?  No.  Is that ok?  Yes.

My Mom is 78 years old.  I’m grateful she is in good health and active and lives a pretty good life.  We spend lots of time together at the cottage in the summer and she does so much for our family and for me, especially.

We were talking about when kids are young and parents being able to go out for dinner.  After the conversation, I think I was frustrated.  But I’m not sure why.

Well just to let you know, we don’t go out much.  In fact, the last time it was just my husband and I was about two years ago.  Not that we don’t want to but we’ve had some issues with our son.

Our daughter would be ok to be with him.  She is 15 and very responsible but because of her anxiety, we don’t want to ask her.  We have been trying to get a mentor for our son for awhile now but nothing has panned out so far.  So we basically are just home bodies.  This is fine for the most part because this is the way we like it as neither of us is too social but it’s not so great for our relationship.

When I was talking with my Mom it made me realize that I do want to go our more with my husband and all I need to do is ask for help to make this happen.  It’s on me and no one else.

I realize we all have different lives.  Even though my Mom never experienced the things I do, it doesn’t mean one is right and one is wrong.  It’s just different.  I have to realize that especially with family that they are always willing to help.  But if I never make any plans or I never ask then how will they know what I need?

So going forward I realize that unless I make my own needs know then I only have one person to blame and that is me!  And if I need something I need to ask.  It’s really that simple.

I want to talk about our journey with biomedical treatments as this is a very important topic in the world of autism, yet so many do not even know about it.

Just to back it up a bit.  I do a lot of research.  In fact I have been researching in the world of autism for many years.

There are so many things I didn’t know about and didn’t understand.  Knowledge is power and the more we can educate ourselves the better we will be to help our children.

So let’s go right back to the beginning (for us.)  Our son was born prematurely by 10 weeks.  So from day 1, we knew that we would not be on track for a lot of things.  There would be milestones not met and interventions that would need to be done.

What I wish I knew back then that I know now is that our son was not physically well.  Even though during those early years I knew he was sick, but I really did not have any idea of the extent of his illness because I expected things to be different.  Honestly I don’t know what I was thinking.

I will fill in some of the banks for you later as I talk about the biomedical treatments and where we began.

Fast forward a few years.  I read a lot.  I read articles, I buy books.  I read google.  Looking, searching tying to make sense of things.  I get into some Facebook groups.  I now realize that my child is ill.  I get a referral from our family doctor to an “autism” specialist (who by the way are almost non-existent.  The wait list to see this doctor is a minimum of 1.5-2 years and my child is now almost 11 years old.

So now what?  Do I wait?

Sitting in my house, I recall at how frustrated I am.  And I decide I cannot wait.  I am a problem-solver.  When I know I can change things, I want to make it happen as soon as possible.  After all, this is my child we are talking about.

So we do not have a doctor we can go to so I start thinking about what I can do.

I am in a Facebook group which is kind of a training group.  We have a couple of training sessions per month all about autism-related medical things.  I learn so much in this group because all the people who are in this group are exactly like me – looking for answers, becoming educated.  The person who runs this group is very knowledgeable about many things and I respect her immensely.  All of us are connected because of autism but all of us are in different phases of it and our kids are all different ages.

In struggling with my next steps I decide to personally email the individual who is leading and educating our group.  I don’t like to over-step boundaries but I don’t know what else to do.

To my surprise I get some answers from her and she helps me on my next steps.  Through her help, I find a doctor who deals with kids on the spectrum in my city, close to my home.  I mean what are the chances?  Most of these “functional medicine doctors” practices under the radar.  They do not advertise because as I have discovered many people in the world do not believe that autism is a medical conditional that can be treated.

I am here to tell you that AUTISM IS MEDICAL AND TREATABLE.  

This is my first step towards my biomedical journey.

Stay tuned as I will be sharing my experiences along the way.