Author: autismlighterside

 

We all have good behaviour and bad behaviour.

We all function in different ways and how we feel quite often determines our behaviour. When you have autism your behaviours can look different due to the multitude of sensory issues or noise issues that the individual may experience.

Behaviour is communication.  Remember that.

When you smile at someone, you are communicating that you are happy without having to say the words.  When you cry, you are communicating that you are sad.

When you have autism, sometimes you cannot express the words you need to in a particular moment of distress.

For our son, the negative behaviour can look different.  For example, when gets upset quickly, he struggles with the words to express this in the moment, he may throw something that is close to him.  When I watch him in these moments, I feel his total frustration.  The throwing of an item is him expressing a total loss of control.  He doesn’t like it when he feels like this and he feels badly when something goes wrong.

If he is just a little upset, he may ask for help with something to resolve the issue.  This is positive as he is trying to problem solve, but cannot quite get there on his own.

On the flip side, when he is happy, there are no issues with his happiness!  Where we try to encourage him is to include others in the fun moments so that we can all enjoy them together.

We have many moments in our house (just like everyone else).  But if your child is on the spectrum and is exhibiting what you consider negative behaviours, try to really watch and listen so that you can help.

We can all turn a negative into a positive if we just adjust our way of thinking.

 

We all compare things. Whether it’s our cars, our clothes, our homes or any of our possessions.

We may not do it consciously, but we do it nevertheless.

I think we also compare our children to some extent.  Whose child got the gold medal?  Who excelled in the school play?  Whose team won the championship?

Who got a great score on the math test?  We see it all the time.  To be honest, what other parents post on social media sometimes makes me feel bad.

When you look at social media, as a parent, you can sure feel that you are not doing enough.  Even food being posted – is that really necessary?  Does anyone else but me find this to be too much?  I just want to eat my food, not take photos of it, unless it is a special celebration.

When your living in the autism world, it still happens.  We all make our own crazy comparisons.  How did your child cope with that?  Who’s talking to your child at school?  What is your child doing well at or what is your child struggling with.  I am truly happy for others, especially when children are making gains.  But I must admit, on occasion, I get discouraged, especially if my child has had a rough day or a rough week.  I truly don’t want to have negative feelings, but sometimes it happens.

I personally choose not to post every private moment or talk about it because sometimes they are just for us – for our family – especially the super-amazing ones!

Our children are all so different.  We need to embrace their successes and be understanding with their challenges and not judge other parents for how they choose to share information.

It is here that I take my own advise so that I can keep celebrating all the life successes of all children!

 

Blood Draws – are they fun for anyone?  Well that’s an easy question to answer – No.  Are they easy for children or teenagers?  No.  How about if your child has autism? Double no!!

I remember being pregnant with both of our children.  Up until that point, I hadn’t really had many blood draws myself because I was pretty healthy.  This was one thing I hated about being pregnant.  My husband (back then) would always come with me to distract me.  Even after giving birth when I had to go, he would make an effort to come with me as he knew I didn’t like it.

Our son had to have his first blood draw less than a year ago.  To prepare, I watched some You Tube videos for kids (and kids with autism) and how best to explain it.  I also printed off a social story to explain it to our son, so that he would be informed, but not afraid.

Before the first blood draw, I was sweating thinking about how I was going to explain it.  I decided to show him a short You Tube video (because he loves You Tube).  I also showed him a brief social story with step-by-step pictures.  I went over it a couple of days before we were to go and then I brought the social story with me in the car and went over it one more time before we arrived.

We decided to go to Sick Kids Hospital to do this as they are used to handling all kinds of children and they have supports in place.  Sure, it would have been easier and quicker to go to a closer lab, but you never know who you are going to get (I’ve been butchered more than once from a rough person!)

We made our way down to the hospital.  We checked in at the front desk and then found the lab.  Our son was looking around, taking everything in, not really knowing what to expect, but not scared either.  I think I was sweating the most!!

We had to wait for a few minutes in the waiting room.  Then we proceeded to another smaller room.  The nurses were super-nice.  There were two of them.  They put some numbing solution on his arm and then drew the blood.  Nine tubes!!!!  It was a lot for a first time.  He was a super-star!

It was a little uncomfortable but I managed to distract him with a new toy and the promise of shopping in one of the stores he had seen on the way in.

My heart was beating fast and I was glad once we made it to the store and I was able to calm down.

Lucky for us our son is tough!  It is important, however, to explain exactly what you are doing so that your child knows what to expect.

Since our son is doing biomedical treatments, we have to go periodically to do blood work.  We go to the same place and it has definitely gotten easier.

Now our son knows what to expect when we go for blood draws and he is very co-operative.

This is a hard thing for any parent, but a part of life we must deal with.

For children with autism, knowing what to expect from any experience is critical, so they stay informed and they feel comfortable.

 

 

 

 

It’s a tough one for me. I want it, I need it. It’s hard for me to function without it. I’m not sure why but if I don’t have control over pretty much everything in my life, I’m lost.
I don’t know when it started or why it happens. I just know it does. For me, it’s not just one thing in particular. It’s pretty much everything.

I can only describe it as knowing what the end result is and having achieved it. Kind of like cleaning the house — you do it. You are in control and you have the result you want at the end – a nice clean house!  Whether it’s a little clean or totally immaculate, it’s up to me.

In the autism world there’s no control and not everything makes sense. So no matter how much you want it, your never going to get it the way that you imagine.
I’ve been thinking lately not just about control and autism but just about the things that I like to control.

I like to control the house — the way people leave their rooms and their things and the way they perform tasks, like making their bed. The way they dress. The list goes on and on. But I’ve had to let go of tons of things. And its been exhilarating!

I try as much as I can to stand back and be present in the moment instead of trying to control the moment and I find myself much more satisfied with the result.
When I look at my son and the little quirks he has that may be associated with his autism, I try to understand him instead of trying to control him. When I look at my daughter I try to understand why she says or does things rather than judge her disapprovingly. I think this makes me a better parent.

Letting go of control in some ways can be freeing. So why not give it a try?

 

 

I have to tell you that I’m never happy after I leave one of these.

I have to ask myself why?  Is it because the people don’t say anything nice about my child?  Is it because they don’t understand my child?  Is it because I feel like they truly don’t know my child’s capabilities and talents?

Do these people like kids or are they just in positions of power for some other reason?

I don’t know they answers to these questions and they are probably different for each person who is involved in a school meeting.

I’m pretty good at reading people most of the time.  I can tell that many people who attend these meetings do not understand autism, never mind how to teach a child with autism, how to relate to a child with autism and to truly see beyond the diagnosis to the individual.  And quite frankly, that’s not acceptable to me.

“If a child can’t learn the way we teach, maybe we should teach the way they learn.”
– Ignacio Estrada

I think the above quote says it all.

My son is a child.  Yes, he has a diagnosis of autism, but first he is a person.  His autism doesn’t define him.

When I’m with him, he makes me laugh so hard sometimes.  He frustrates me like crazy sometimes too.  But we are connected.  When I look into his eyes, I see love and he makes me feel loved every single day.  There are no games.  Whomever said kids with autism don’t have or show love has never my son and many other children who are on the spectrum.  In my opinion, some of these individuals are more loving and compassionate then their typical peers.

I think if we are going to label kids with autism, we should label ourselves first.  I don’t know about you, but I’m anything but typical.  Just ask my husband!

How would you feel if you were only known for your label and not your abilities?