Author: autismlighterside

I was sitting in the car after a stressful day waiting to go into an appointment.  I was thinking of how crappy my day was and how tired I was and how I did not want to go in.  I was just sitting there, feeling down.

As I listened to some music I took a glance out my rear view mirror.  There was a child, a girl, probably around ten years old in a wheel chair.  It was a sunny day and the girl’s mom was feeding her a snack, since she could not do it herself.  They were laughing together and every time she fed her a bite of her snack, they laughed again.  It was touching to watch.

They had no idea anyone was watching.  They were in their own world — happy and content with each other.  Nothing else mattered.  I started to think, “Wow, they are so happy,”  Why?

Here I was thinking about my rotten day and of all the things I didn’t have that could make my life better.  Then I thought to myself, “why can’t I be content and satisfied?” — for the moment, for the sun, just for just being alive, for being a mom, for being a wife?  It made me really think about the simple things and how I needed to be grateful for them.

Happiness does not need to be complicated.  Sometimes, it’s just a brief moment in a day.  On that particular day, that Mom and daughter gave me a gift that they will probably never know about, but one for which I am grateful.

We need to appreciate the moments — all of them.  And we need to always be grateful for what we have and the people we have to share it with.  This is what truly matters in life.

One of the biggest concerns with autism is making connections with others.

This is also true for our son as it is for every child who has autism.  It can look different for all kids, but nonetheless it exists.

Let me tell you where there are no boundaries.  Our son has one really close friend.  His best friend, in fact.

They have such a great relationship.  They are so close.

It’s been fun to watch their relationship evolve.  His friend is the best!  He is so kind, patient and understanding.  He treats our son like everyone else. They teach each other different things.

His friend is a great basketball player and is teaching our son so many basketball skills.  He has patience and our son is learning so much about basketball from him.

Our son has taught him things too.  For example, our son is fearless and loves to climb tress.  He taught his friend how to do this.

When they jump on the trampoline together, they have so much fun!  Sometimes they just chill out on the couch.  They don’t have to have big conversations to be close.  You can see how close they are just by observing them.

Tonight I watched them build birdhouses together.  The way they helped each other was fascinating to watch.  They took turns hammering in the nails on their own bird house.  So cool!!!

Relationships can be so simple.  Just hanging out with no pressure and doing fun things together.

In my opinion, when you make a special connection such as this one, your life is so enriched.  I am so happy our son has this special relationship in his life.  He has grown so much as a person because of this and it makes my heart so happy!

Well, it’s now 11 days later, time for a second treatment.

I can honestly say it’s not been quite as stressful as the first time because I didn’t see anything super-concerning the first time around so I just trust this time will be the same or better.

We have seen some noticeable differences which keep us hopeful for more (yes we are greedy – we want more!)

We’ve seen improvements in focus, attention span and ability to deal with changes.  These are not huge by any means, but enough to be aware of which is a win in my book!

Still, I silently say a prayer because I really don’t know. I try not to panic.

The tiredness is obvious as well as the stomach discomfort.  My heart aches for putting our son through this, but I know it could make a difference in the bigger picture.  This is the part I hate about being a parent.  Making a decision that may cause some physical discomfort or even pain.  I ask myself again (!!)  Are you being a good Mom?

I have to answer myself and say that yes I am.  I say it over and over again in my head so that I can convince myself.

I doubt it, but nonetheless, I keep on going.  I distract myself so I don’t have to think about it.  But every time I have to dispense a pill, I feel a pain in my chest.  I don’t tell anyone though because I have to at least pretend I’m fine with everything.

Last pill was with dinner so hopefully tomorrow all will be a little better.  And hopefully some of the metals will leave my son’s body which would be better than winning any lottery.

I will now breathe and cautiously relax for the next 11 days…….

til then…

In our family, we not only hear this word every day, we live it every day.  It has become part of our lives.  It’s not something that we asked for, nor wanted, but nevertheless, it’s here and I don’t see it leaving any time soon.

Our daughter (who just turned 15) was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder a couple of years ago.

It’s been kind of like a daily roller coaster ride.  There are ups and downs and lots of turns and twists just to get through the day sometimes.

I must admit that there is still a lot I need to learn about anxiety.  Although I feel anxious at different moments, I don’t think I really understood how debilitating it can be and how it can impact sometimes simple functions that you engage in every day.

To be honest, this has been frustrating for me many times as a parent.  Anyone who is raising teenagers, knows that they naturally test you.  They are very self-absorbed and it can be confusing as a parent to distinguish the “real” times of need because of anxiety or when we are just dealing with regular mood swings.

One eye opener for me was when I went into my daughter’s room one day.  I was wondering why she was still laying in bed and not getting up.  She said she couldn’t and then I saw how badly her body was shaking.  She was unable to move in that moment.  The compassionate side of me took over and tried to help the best I could.  When I looked into her eyes, I felt sad and helpless.  I knew I would do anything to help her , but I just always don’t know how.

I  am still learning about anxiety and each day is different.  With time and effort, we will find our way through and hopefully we will be stronger because of it.

Well it was a successful first treatment!  But not without issues.

Day 1 and Day 2 were basically uneventful.  But the night of Day 2 was a little stressful.

There was little sleep for a long time.  Not sure why as that wasn’t supposed to be a side-effect.  There was a lot of frustration for our son.

First, he was trying to relax by watching a show.  Next, he was upset about earthquakes — visibly shaking upset, hiding under his covers.  Then he wanted Dad, then Mom, then both Mom and Dad to be with him in bed.

One good thing was that during all this “commotion” there was lots of language!

Finally, he went to sleep.  It was late. After 2 am.  Once he was sleeping, it was calm.  He did not want to get up for school the next day, so we let him stay home and he rested more.  Once he got up, he felt much better, but was quiet most of Day 3 — very unusual for him.

From our perspective as parents, it was an overall success.  No serious side effects, just some behaviour and a few cramps as well as extreme tiredness.  Probably lots of internal stuff trying to move its way out of his body (aka poop!)

Until next time……….